Lavendertales

`*愿难了, 情难了..

2010-11-19T04:40:00.005+08:00

新不了情

心若倦了泪也干了
这份深情难舍难了
曾经拥有天荒地老
已不见你暮暮与朝朝

这一份情永远难了
原来时还能再度拥抱
爱一个人如何死守到老
怎样面对一切我不知道

回忆过去痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了今夜的你应该明了
愿难了情难了

Crazy [Patsy Cline]

2010-02-01T16:30:00.008+08:00

Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new

Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying

And I'm crazy for loving you
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you.

A Time For Everything

2009-12-15T12:24:00.006+08:00

Ecclesiastes 3

1 There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

15 Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account. [a]

16 And I saw something else under the sun: In the place of judgment—wickedness was there, in the place of justice—wickedness was there.

17 I thought in my heart, "God will bring to judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be a time for every activity, a time for every deed."

18 I also thought, "As for men, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Man's fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath [b] ; man has no advantage over the animal. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the spirit of man rises upward and if the spirit of the animal [c] goes down into the earth?"

22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?

`*Au Revoir, Mon Amour..

2009-10-28T16:52:00.006+08:00

If I could find the words to express the thoughts and immense emotions that has resided by me all these while, this entry would have been dated earlier. Even to this day I can't, not until I was reminded of the following song when the chorus sang my heart, one night at a pub.. C'est la vie? Au revoir, mon amour..

最近 by 李圣杰

你最近不说话
怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单
有点乱有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁

chorus
你想要的我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路

这一次我们都能很幸福

Marble Halls [Enya]

2009-10-15T12:18:00.003+08:00

I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls
With vassels and serfs at my side,
And of all who assembled within those walls
That I was the hope and the pride.
I had riches all too great to count
And a high ancestral name.
But I also dreamt which pleased me most
That you loved me still the same,
That you loved me
You loved me still the same,
That you loved me
You loved me still the same.

I dreamt that suitors sought my hand,
That knights upon bended knee
And with vows no maidens heart could withstand,
They pledged their faith to me.
And I dreamt that one of that noble host
Came forth my hand to claim.
But I also dreamt which charmed me most
That you loved me still the same
That you loved me
You loved me still the same,
That you loved me
You loved me still the same.

2009-08-30T02:06:00.001+08:00

If Tomorrow Never Comes

2009-08-30T01:30:00.002+08:00

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never come

`*Quotes i ♥

2009-08-19T14:19:00.013+08:00

`*"if i had another chance to dance with you again, i'll play a song that will never never end.." -Jianling's shout out
`*Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future -Yishan Wong's shout out
`*"Will the Maker of the stars, hear the sound of my breaking heart" -Jeremiah Wong's msn
`*"If i let you go, the things we've come to understand will only be a memory" -Riena Goh's msn
`*While all things has its expiry date, love doesn't.. -Jessica Thian
`*A smiling face does not equate to a smiling heart. -Jimmy Djunadi's shout out
`*Knowledge is horizontal, wisdom is vertical; it comes down from above. -Billy Graham
`*Time heals, time kills.. make time your friend not your enemy. -Jessica Thian
`*The world smiles at you, but Jesus loves you. -Unknown Author
`*When i've reached the end of myself, it's the beginning of God. -Jing Seah's tweet
`*When God is not in the equation of your life, nothing stands. -Jessica Thian
`*Let go and let God.. -Pst Kong Hee

`*My tweets for keeps

2009-08-19T14:00:00.012+08:00

`*"Don't take too long to say 'I love you' and 'I want you love' cos time has a habit of slipping away.." 10th Oct '09

`*peanut, roe-ii, jelly and lil sweet pea wasabi thian: good night, u're always on my mind.. 10th Oct '09

`*I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take. When people run in circles.. It's a very, very mad world. -2nd Oct '09 01:24pm

`*"When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.. Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future." -Mary Karen Read, her last journal entry prior to being killed in the virginia tech shooting (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW759z7HsTw)" 1st Oct '09 02:17am

`*is going away with Him ;') 20th Sep '09 02:32pm

`*is in His courts, v happy!! -20th Sep '09 10:41am

`*不知道为了什么忧愁它围绕著我我每天都在祈祷快赶走爱的寂寞那天起你对我说.. 17th Sep '09 02:45pm

`*You're the Lover of my soul, I'll never let You go. -14th Sep '09 01:12pm

`*is thnkin of what a nice date to hold a wedding today and wishes to get married sn.. :') -9th Sep '09 02:19pm

`*Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom.. Who can fathom the depth of Your love -2nd Sep '09 10:22am

`*You are beautiful beyond description, too marvelous for words. Too wonderful for comprehension, like nothing ever seen or heard. -1st Sep '09 04:25pm

`*"darling leave a light on for me.. cuz when the world takes me away, you are still the air that i breathe.." 29th Aug '09

`*Manhood is not found in the number of women you can sleep with, but by staying faithful to one. -24th Aug '09 01:56am

`*take me away, mes mémoires -21st Aug '09 02:04pm

`*my wedding s gonna be like ths: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0&feature=PlayList&p=37CBBC6D82B4E28A&index=0&playnext=1 -13th Aug '09 05:42pm

`*with time i sat the more i knew, i'm payin bac for all tt i've put them thru ; heartaches tt knows no depths & broken smiles tt knows no ends. -11th Aug '09 04:31am

`*Thanks for all the wishes dear ones, appreciate it!! luv u all!! -28th Jul '09 09:49am

`*One more day.. to beautiful sunrise & passing clouds -22nd Jul '09 01:39pm

`*pouting* at "You have 999 unread emails" -20th Jul '09 09:45am

`*Beautiful love, gift from above. -20th Jul '09 01:06pm

`*One of the simple pleasures in my life? Waking up to a mobile bill of SGD 27.77!! ♥s -15th Jul '09 09:41am

`*Great, is the measure of thy love. -12th Jul '09 11:10pm

`*Sudden mixture of emotions gripped me as I took a walk down memory lane.. I beg to differ when people say ignorance is bliss as it's only truth that sets you free -11th Jul '09 04:16pm

`*is up at this hour, celebrating his life & legacy with the world. -8th Jul '09 03:06am

`*A smiling face does not equate to a smiling heart. 3rd Jul '09 04:11pm

`*Rest in peace MJ.. you've been a legend and you'll always be -26th June '09 10:02am

`*888 unread emails- 24th Jun '09 01:11pm

`*The silence of a summer's night brings memories I hold inside.. -20th Jun '09 01:39am

`*Is back to 1929; The New Majestic Hotel now.. Sucha bliss!! -31st May '09 02:09am

`*All that you've left me with.. Ephemeral Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Time to surrender, time to brace the erase button. -28th May '09 10:25am

`*Just when you thought a love has failed, don't turn on your defence mechanism that only chains you up like a never ending cycle. Because love has the power to make one stronger & better.. -11th May '09 17:19pm

`*On my way to find Okasan nw.. I luv u mommy!! -9th May '09 18:29pm

`*screaming heart -6th May '09 03:35pm

`*says to 'time', 'have mercy on me..' -4th May '09 05:08am

`*Seeing the first ray of spring.. -29th Apr '09 02:29pm

`*Mugging away at work.. miss prancing in e rain in HK.. -29th Apr '09 05:53pm

`*Four more hours to flying away from this scorching hot island!! ;') -23rd Apr '09 02:46am

`*hungry.. longs for seafood linguine in white wine sauce.. sad.. pout* Tuu days to HK -21st Apr 02:13pm

~*`~*`CHELSEA GOT INTO F.A FINALS!! DROGBA, U ROCK, ALWAYS!!'*~'*~ Three days to HKG; cheeky smiles* -20th Apr '09 00:30am

`*had a crazy dose of trance, still missing it -19th Apr '09 10:58am

`*Nine days & counting to my next flight out bt e most exhilarating part of it? I don't even know where my butt will land!! >.<>

`*embracing spring one step at a time -30th Mar '09 12:51pm

`*is thankful for her life -23rd Mar '09 02:48pm

`*An old 'friend' came back to visit me and its name is 'Love Me Tender'. -22nd Mar '09 04:22am

`*embracing spring w His luv.. needs a big hug (}) -15th Mar '09 06:34pm

`*Caught in a kaleidoscope, tryin to find my way home.. -11th Mar '09 09:56pm

`*Caught in a kaleidoscope -10th Mar '09 02:50am

`*Beyond every dark cloud is a silver lining -11th Mar '09 06:19am

`*having a slow sunday, hugs* peanut roeii & jelly.. -8th Mar '09 07:13pm

`*is holding on.. -6th Mar '09 11:55am

`*freeze my ♥ -2nd Mar '09 11:58pm

`*Cut. By smses.. by believing.. 2nd Mar '09 03:40pm

`*brittle ♥ -28th Feb 08:27pm

`*days of solitude within, brittlely my hart beats -26th Feb '09 09:17pm

Happy Birthday

2009-08-11T01:38:00.002+08:00

"Happy Birthday!" by Esmond Ng 28/07/09 Copyright

Have a blast; some merriment this day.
Joyful gaiety due none can take away.
And to you all festives will surely give way,
For it be for you that all these galas grace.

Though these words replace not how much I have to say,
You of all will know what needn't be displayed.
It is in times like these when I distanced, I pray:
Longstanding wishes & Happy Birthday!

Thank you Esmond, these words from my heart always..

Eleven March O Nine

2009-08-11T00:00:00.002+08:00

"Time in Some Place" by Esmond Ng 11/03/09 Copyright

Miraculous it may seem,
Fate works its ways in us beings.
For never did I imagine could be,
What I seek'd in front of me.

Oncer I hanker'd and once I did receive,
Paints of memories and etch'd it did.
An innocent Romeo & Juliet story,
Coincedences in most everything.

Like the end of tragic Love stories
Too ours perhaps guileless and naive.
But these flowers its' scent can't be erased,
Even long after they're gone we had our Time in some place.

It'd be nice to believe that the above was penned about us :')
____________________________________________________

"Silver Linings" by Esmond Ng 11/03/09 Copyright

Remember I the time sores,
Stricken; afflicted and wretched.
Besetment assail'd from above,
Like the bottomward that downpour'd.

There sat I at sixes and sevens,
Dazed at what just befell.
For at the bridge knew not I,
What wrong I did nor neither fate might.

How did such beauty and perfection cease?
Why my imaginary cloud shapes no longer pleased?
For the bright blessed day of just 5 minutes,
Now overcast acerbity.

Though things may sometimes I never know,
Left unsolved it may best be so.
Memories more precious for there in Heart stays,
But storms will eventually dissipate.

With time I sat the more I knew,
Darkest clouds too come and go.
Silver linings are there always,
When storms pass there they glow.

Memories of A Dear Friend

2007-03-09T03:44:00.002+08:00

It'll soon be two years since I first met this friend of mine. We grew up sharing the same belief of a fairytale inspired love. Call it guileless and naive or how forlorn it has been, our identical notions and perceptions about love that likens to the time of Romeo & Juliet. Being too much of a coincedence, we too share many of the same interest from oil painting to poetry and from photography to the taste of music. Beautiful moments may have painted my memories but the never ceasing genuine and heartfelt poems have captured my heart. The poems as alive as it has been, will always be reminisced. To the friend if he's reading this, I thank you for being a special friend like you've been. From beginning till the end though time pass and seasons change, here I'll always stay, wishing you well where ever you'll be & a friendship remembered indeed..

`* J

“Acronym” by Esmond Ng 25/03/2005 copyright ©
Can you find the hidden message below? Written especially for Jessica. -winkz-

“Acronym” by Esmond Ng 25/03/2005 copyright ©
============================================
Whilst stars shon’d dimly in cloud cover’d sky,
the mood not dampen’d; all is still bright.
It’s really no wonder why, if by me thou would realize,
The brightest of them all would on my right.
Lays’t down admiring the beauty from nature’s eye,
if nature be me, then thou be in my sight.
Lovely would be no other word,
then she who grac’d my night.
Yonder but yet next to thee, so seems close though far it now be;
why this feeling that dawns on me?
Of these questions in which minds’t uncontroll’d wander,
omega, it still ends with thee.
Uphoria and joy that follow it,
something a feeling excites me which.
Bare footed on a chill’d beach night,
warm the sand stays though sun has slipp’d over the horizon line.
Emphasize can’t I more describe,
the warmth that comes with thou’s sunny eyes.
My O my, where seen I those cherry lips and fair skin light;
that heaven be so bias’d put all in one?
Years may pass, Kings abdicat’d,
yet to my heart’s Queen she is perfect’d.
Varies thee may, with wonders of powder,
but in fact thou’s beauty, is the wonder creator.
All fail not see, if beauty is skin deep,
deeper than that no worries, thou has aplenty.
Like the serene of night sea tranquility,
the feeling with thee it gives to me.
Embellish’d with jewels of laughter and cheer
never not will I ever dry nor withereth.
New brings old away, a beginning which may bloom;
if given both a little way soon.
Time may wash old wounds offshore,
but time should blows’t the direction of ahead.
If sentiments are link’d like we discover’d by the bay,
thou would knows’t what I say.
Next to thee I feel somewhat a likeness of me,
maybe we be concordant harmony.
Expect more of stargazing company,
we could have more if try we gradually.

“Fairytale” by Esmond Ng 27/03/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“Fairytale” by Esmond Ng 27/03/05 copyright ©
===========================================
Once a time upon, grew a boy on tales;
of dragons slain’d and maidens rescu’d.
As of age he grew, traveled far in vain,
never found the tale he knew.

From lofty to dishearten’d did time prove,
soon abandon’d his search for his truth.
Norms became his norms
and dreams became standstill.

Then fate chanced upon him,
as sudden as floods on boxing due.
Heard of a princess,
distress could be still.

Awaken’d from deep slumber the knight arose,
remembering every aspiration and dream instilled.
Rode like wind, conquere’d all adversities till.
Like all written fairytales, happily ever after;
what he always knew.

“Time of bridge” by Esmond Ng 29/03/05 copyright ©
Depicting a walk with Jessica on esplanade's bridge.

“Time of bridge” by Esmond Ng 29/03/05 copyright ©
================================================
Bridge over calm waters we stroll’d, carried by the breeze of arvo cool.
Stopp’d in middle did we, sat to say things with glee.
What seem’d like a walk in eternity, I wish to take along thee and only.
Traffic which past and strode, not an inch felt; as if time stilled for we.

Things of said rarity, appeared in picture frame perspective.
The spread of eagle wings signified our very moment; feelings.
Even poles of light with differing properties, came to me as so very pretty.
Must be, it must be, when only thee next to me.

Though our meeting was haste and time which chas’d,
time which on the bridge, did indeed still for me.

“You told me” by Esmond Ng 29/03/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“You told me” by Esmond Ng 29/03/05 copyright ©
=============================================
I’ve waited such a lonely time, yearning for nothing less,
of what past poets express’d with pens.
The plot beyond words, and story beyond thoughts,
oh how tough it was, the search.

But when my eyes met those windows of thee,
your very soul it pour’d to me.
A strange unexplainable feeling overwhelm’d it did,
the Holy One must have brought thee to me.

How we surpass’d writers of past, with no words we achiev’d more;
with no pens we wrote scores.
Music never as melodic, voices never so in one.
Thou need’d not say, I would the message.

Yes, you told me everything. Amazingly without anything saying.
Yet why need I explain, you told me already.

“Flipping” by Esmond Ng 06/04/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“Flipping” by Esmond Ng 06/04/05 copyright © ========================================
Remember the time your notebook took I from you?
Flipped to the end page and this which wrote;
Sweet a little message, sugary like you.
Of my purpose, penning thoughts so true.

Meaning the flipping to back I construed,
Signifies which back of my mind are you.
That with each day that is renewed,
The first thought, my smile begins with you.

Wrote I too that hopping each time could you,
Flip to the back and thinkst of me too.

“My Father who carryeth me” – by Esmond Ng 21/04/05 copyright ©
For Bubu.
Not sure why you deleted it though.

“My Father who carryeth me”–by Esmond Ng 21/04/05 copyright © ==================================================
Dear Lord,Oh how I’ve forsaken Thee.
For the last ten years, I thought Thee has too left me.
I do realize that answers may “No” sometimes be,
But never did I accept your decisions for me.
Oh how bad it was without Thee.
My life plagued like pagan Egypt,
How suffered I the ten years without ease,
Never felt ever that You be my peace.

Awakened this night all so suddenly,
Realized the pair of footprints be Thee that carryeth me.
Thank you for never letting go of this wayward sheep,
For everything, Thee has provided abundantly.
The two most important weeks to me you gave,
Of my life; others, most will never even glimpse.
I appreciate my Moulder and Father above,
Really Thee has been good to me.

Amen.

“I knew I Loved you before I met you” by Esmond Ng 04/05/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“I knew I Loved you before I met you” by Esmond Ng 04/05/05 copyright ©
==============================================
Never understood why songs said of Loving before finding.
Till thy perfection grac’d my all so abysmal Life.
Realize’d then that songs may somewhat be speaking of you.

What really means the lyrics my interpretations be,
That I’ve Loved everything which you possess and represent.
Thus so it seems that all this search while, is really for you.

In that way, I‘ve actually Loved before finding.
Cherish’d before knowing, and found before finding.
For everything you are, Is image of what I’ve long’d for past decade still.

“The Glass Globe Dream” by Esmond Ng 04/05/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“The Glass Globe Dream” by Esmond Ng 04/05/05 copyright ©
==============================================
As the world within the glass globe seems,
So pretty and everlasting be.
I wish the same of every Love story.
In one way within,
perfection and fairytale achiev’d.

Precious Moments may some see it,
Forever memories others deem.
For others like me, looking in from the world outside;
It really be forlorn a journey.

Whether be me or another in glass globe dream,
Sincerely wish I the best for thee.
For really if I have Loved or so I’m convinc’d,
Then be happy is all I need from thee.

“Saga Seeds” by Esmond Ng 04/05/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“Saga Seeds” by Esmond Ng 04/05/05 copyright ©
===========================================
I thinks’t of thee from time to time,
Wonder if at times, I cross’d thy mind?
Even in dreams, thee appears.
Sometimes however good or bad,
Is still as sweet a dream can be.

Dreams be the only place I can see.
Now that live I unaccustom’d without thee;
Ye only place which sweet be to me.
Yes, I think back to places where we’d be.
Yes, they are such lip-lifting memories.

Like Saga Seeds which thinks’t of begone acts,
Something which we both can attest;
Relish of sentiments past and gone,
A trait that you wouldn’t not understand.

Thus pray I to thee,
blame not be unto me.
For it is in genuine me,
To thinks’t and not forget thee.

“I’m still me” by Esmond Ng 06/05/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“I’m still me” by Esmond Ng 06/05/05 copyright ©
==============================================
I know it seems different now,
A very chang’d circumstance we be in.
With every exchange liken’d to,T
he decay of cold fatality wins.

For days, hours, seconds they creep by;
Exacerbate bad to its superlative.
Though I be thought of as repugnant,
Is that the really of me you knew?

Distrust and disbelief they set in,
Find my all so unnecessarily burden’d.
One day it be hard to see me;
The me who has always been.

For I am who you first chanc’d to meet,
I am the very same from the beginning.
Looks’t back and pray thee remember please,
Memory the same very old me.

“The Twenty-Seven” by Esmond Ng 12/05/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“The Twenty-Seven” by Esmond Ng 12/05/05 copyright ©
===============================================
Though the hand of clouds shielded most brights from our sights,
Twenty Seven was more than enough for me.
The beautiful night not dimm’d for moment single,
For thee was by my side and right.

Lays’t down on fine sand we had be,
Everything truly was splendid as in dreamer’s plead.
Of all remember I, for it be most deeply engrav’d;
The momentous laze and too be it our first friendship embrace.

Often I would recall, thinks’t and relish;
Revel in all astonish’d honesty.
That it seem’d I’d known you for ages before,
Even though fate had decree’d chosen to so late.

In all instantaneous like combustion of passion flames,
I’d found, finally, with clear certitude.
That so Life without you,
Really feels like night skies not fill’d.

And maybe, just so now it darks’t that way;
I know deep down that because of Thee,
My twenty seven will always shine,
And my Life is brightly lit,
Because of you.

“What is Love?” By Esmond Ng 16/05/05 copyright ©
Was inspired to write this through my friend’s wedding earlier this year. I remember that a big group of us were invited to the dinner. Being the “official” group, we actually made his life very difficult. The emcee, who was also one of us decided to bombard him with a host of obstacles and questions before he can reach the stage to cut the cake. Of the questions, there was one that struck me particularly. “How much do you love your wife?” After some pondering, he said: “Deeper than the ocean, wider than the sea.” So I asked myself. “If I were asked the very same question, what would my answer be?”
For Bubu,

“What is Love?” By Esmond Ng 16/05/05 copyright ©
=================================================
On my accustom’d bed laid I, grimly darks’t only moonshine through curtain slits;
My mind wonders’t, ponders and travels far within.
Of the meagre light shone, cast dainty a shadow on my wall facing.
Could this be my shadow? The shadow which of me speaks.

Thus called I out to him. “What be Love? My dear man, please forward me.”
“What be Love to you do you deem?”

“Is all talk about oceans deep and mountains steep that true Love sits?”
“Or rather the eye of Love’s first sight; a feeling from within?”
“Maybe, even a warm fuzzy heat that burns like fire uncontroll’d?”
“At the very least, it must be some form of comfort, familiarity and ease?”

Then my shadow spoke: “What be it really to you, Love?”
“The most important person and thing to you think of.”

As I laid, close my eyes and a tear roll’d it’s way out.
For at that tear’d instance knew I, what I’d say if asked.
“How much you, do Love me?”
My answer be: “More than myself deep.”

“The different same old bridge” by Esmond Ng 18/05/05 copyright ©
Was at the Esplanade the whole afternoon and evening on Tuesday. It was drizzling and thus the dark picture. Such a memorable bridge for me, yet it seems the bridge so different now. The "Differing Poles" Ref. “Time of bridge” Tuesday, March 29, 2005.

“The different same old bridge” by Esmond Ng 18/05/05 copyright ©
===================================================
Walk’d back to the all so familiar bridge.
Today it seems gloomy, might may drizzle rain due.
Stopp’d and sat on the same damp seat,
Today it really be different, the same old bridge.

The entire arvo I did spend by the bay,
Waiting for sights so well I knew.
But never did my eagle appear,
Nor my differing poles look pretty still.

People that jostl’d, travelers fearless of ye heaven’s tears.
Flashes that capture memories, all were in use.
Even a newly wed, in angelic whites brave’d;
The rain, which fell on me only feel.

Time on bridge which for we still’d;
Had left my side like which you did too.
Time, no longer a friend on ye lovely bridge.
For grey turned to darks’t and day to night’s way gave.
Nay, the different same old bridge did not stand still.

“Lavender Tales” by Esmond Ng 24/05/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“Lavender Tales” by Esmond Ng 24/05/05 copyright ©
================================================
Lavender, color of pale violet;
Pallid my checks without sight of thee.
Yet ye color of radiance beams,
On thy face is what long I to see.

Wildly commonly cultivat’d,
So wild my bushes burn for thee.
Tardily the bush fires my heart in,
Eats up single every ounce of me.

Its oil produce from which,
Makes luscious what perfumes need.
With each squeeze of the purple dream,
Comes each true feeling felt for thee.

Lavandula, fragrant really to me,
Not because of smells to flowers sweet;
But for meanings within thee thou has to agree,
That my Love, you equal as to it.

“Paint my memories” by Esmond Ng 25/05/05 copyright ©
For "Ms Crazily",

“Paint my memories” by Esmond Ng 25/05/05 copyright ©
===================================================
I know Sorry is a word redundant,
When you have set out to eradicate me.
I know my explanations mean nothing,
For a verdict like a judge did pass me.

The reason for end is not as important as the ending,
This finale is not at all beautiful like stories seem.
But it may be best this way an end to all these,
For I realize myself too that anything to you I can’t promise.

I did enjoy your company, I really did.
Everything a memory I would still want to cherish.
Never did intend to use thee lik’d thee had deem’d me,
But it’s really not crucial the reasoning already.

For know myself more through knowing thee,
That in my heart someone else is still within me.
“Paint my memories” she did really,
A painting with varnish and medium to last for centuries.

Lest it be less use to say it,
It be best still the word to put it.
Thou do deserve someone better,
someone that can give;
Sorry, that for you one is not me.

“Eagles of the Bay” by Esmond Ng 26/05/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“Eagles of the Bay” by Esmond Ng 26/05/05 copyright ©
==================================================
Many times I’ve come and disappointed left.
Many tries for familiar sights to find; refresh.
Yet they seem to elude me with each and every visit,
By the bay, which for me have come to like.

Like may be too light a word used,
Heavy, it should be love the place I do.
Memories I hold dear survive at this bay,
And new paintings, pictures see I each stay.

Today must lucky have been my day,
Wait’d and our Eagle appear’d in soaring height.
Like Cupid’s arrow that dart’d across ye clear blue sky,
So too it was there, that His arrow shot me;
Making me Love’s blind.

That must have been all you’d say.
Elated I be this very day.
However just when all couldn’t be more bright,
Out came a little Eagle chasing His mother’s flight.

Oh how much glee they brought to me,
This day I regret not, myself by this sea.
For I know sometimes Thee doeth the same as me,
Try perhaps too, spot them and thinks’t of me.

“Here I’d be” by Esmond Ng 02/06/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“Here I’d be” by Esmond Ng 02/06/05 copyright ©
============================================
No need for that,
Sorry a word not meant this way.
Thee had not done to me on purpose,
Not Thy fault what of me that hurts.

For in Love this I can say true,
That no right or wrong can define to.
Thus if Thou truly be happy,
What sorry is need’d from Thee?

If any at all blame be needy,
Then it should be me to shoulder all it.
For I give my every in heart too easily,
When I encounter someone so worthy.

It be not deceitfully contriv’d,
For I would not pain for myself had plann’d it.
But of nature’s course I genuine did,
Fall head over heels so badly indeed.

Though I say these all with prose poetic,
Every word single I mean sincere herein.
Addition, not to make Thee guilty,
For that is last I want to achieve;
Surely, more pains’t to me if I knew it.

If, ever, if one day, Thee finds’t different.
That your heart would start beat for me,
I would hear and here I’d be.
If Thee feels ever such feelings,
Please, run to me.

For present, it be enough for me;
To know that all is well for Thee.
That in my dreams I can also rest easy;
Sweet and sugary I too want clos’d eyelids see.

I tell you actually,
That each before dreams I’d be,
Praying secretly, everything smooth for Thee.
That not hurt nor frown ever win,
The chirpy laughter I remember so clearly.

And till that if ever day ever really occurs,
I’d be cheering you on, as a friend so dearly.
For if aid Thee should require of me,
You can trust your good friend here,
Here I’d be.

“How have you been?” by Esmond Ng 16/06/05 copyright ©
Been really stressed with work-related issues. Sometimes I just feel like dropping everything and go for a long, long holiday. (Maybe in some unknown Europe province and never come back) Have been so unhappy and down. Then suddenly I think of Thee. And thee brings a smile to me. (Then again, I don’t suppose I ever did stop thinking of you.) Hope you are doing well? I also supposed you have shifted by now. If not, the design company is seriously slacking. Maybe can upload a picture of the built-in LCD? Cool! I only have a ridiculously big-boxed bulky 21 inch. : ( You take care and maybe, just maybe I’ll get to see you someday……For Bubu,

“How have you been?” by Esmond Ng 16/06/05 copyright ©
====================================================
Not sure if realize Thee, it’s been almost three full moons since last;
That I’ve seen those windows in eyes so lovely.
Last couple of days, can’t help me but thinks’t;
Of you and how Life has treated Thee.

I don’t have much ways to convey, to express.
But only through these words I message my thoughts that hoping you’d read.
That I’m still around wishing best everything for someone special to me.
That till this day, Thou art still amazing vividly.

Though short this period be, to me eternity time so seems.
Many things changed have may, from lodging to even studies.
Simple things these like, I have no benefit of sharing.
And simply no means of even knowing.

For no news is often said of as good news,
Thus I trust that Thee be well doing.
Sincerely I hope it be of this conjured case,
For if otherwise I’d be truly sad; hurting.

Pray I do still, that for you everything smooth sailing.
Many times, for my miracle that you’d call me so occasionally.
Most importantly however I need,
Thee be in happy bliss.

“The 166” by Esmond Ng 09/07/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“The 166” by Esmond Ng 09/07/05 copyright ©
======================================
It’s all at variance; the feeling now after ye move.
166 a place dear now seems so at ease.
Leisurely seated on the blue-tiled stool as writing these,
For depart’d fear of chance you’d see my doing this.

Not ever hoped I that I may glimpse of Thee,
Nor ever dreamt that my sight would cross with Thee’s.
But solace seeking and relish that I stay here,
Near my very own yellow-signed love story.

Even though Thou’s shadow has shifted expectedly,
More of a memory, a picture frame in mind it hath left me.
Yes, it may look silly or crazy some have deem’d.
To this special place frequent I still constantly.

The taint’d white cat cuddles up next to me,
As if it knows me, of my solitary misery.
Occasionally it steals glances; those that pierce right through the soul,
It be like saying: “Easy, I feel for you for I the same fate be.”

Still my thoughts would often play cruel tricks on me.
Thinking how nice it would be if all can restart from time on bridge.
For then, it would still feel like an eternity;
An eternity so perfect in fairy dreams.

How heart-wrenching that sound of bus should pull alongside me,
Snapping me out of my own world; this world of poetic release.
So as light breeze this night ends this week abruptly,
My leaving likened to Enya’s “Deora Ar Mo Chroi”;
“Tears Of My Heart” it sings indeed.

“More than Dreams” by Esmond Ng 13/07/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“More than Dreams” by Esmond Ng 13/07/05 copyright ©
===============================================
Dreams be to most snapping back into reality,
That with each dawning bright, ideas of wish fade into dark.
My mind often hear things with sensitivity,
So obscure it may seem like such idle dreams.

Do I really pick up any of Thy subtlety?
Hidden in simple art of word pictures see?
Or it be just plain foolishness on me,To hold on these sands of Time;
slipping through open fingers quickly.

Still stubbornness and wishfully tight I hold my grip,
Not wanting go my own fantasy dream.
Till this day feel that God would have kinder to me,
No goodbyes; that His grace could have shown through your sweet company.

“I can only dream” what Thee makes of it,
More than dreams I still pray that Thee revert decisions please.
For I know I’d treasure this silly love theme,
Even though it may just be another of my dawning dreams.

“Purple Butterfly” by Esmond Ng 04/11/05 copyright ©

“Purple Butterfly” by Esmond Ng 04/11/05 copyright ©
==================================================
Purple prose the butterfly,
On flower top did it’s beauty shine.
Slender it’s body yet big,
Its wings of colors in social settings.

So attractive yet exclusive it be,
That all attention should flock around Thee.
For ornate and ever so pretty,
In mind though ago last I long time meet.

Purple in all ancient royalty,
My princess found I in Thee.
That all my world like the flower I be,
Should await your florid setting upon me.

Same feeling in abdomen I get,
Butterflies when you my eyes set.
For it be my heart beats uncontrollably,
When purple prose the butterfly I see.

“This Place” by Esmond Ng 25/11/05 copyright ©
Just came back from the 166. (Ref: 11/07/05 “The 166”) Well, it’s been an awful long while since I last visited it. Although I was standing there on the chilly road, nothing about the place seemed biting at all. Every memory and feeling associated with this place flooded back into me without foretoken.The 166

“This Place” by Esmond Ng 25/11/05 copyright ©
============================================
After all, this was where I first saw you in white angelic.
The place I picked you up from for our first date.
The place I thought I would see the sweetest thing to my eyes each every day.
The place which stayed the one who took my last true love breath away.

At this place I hold much lovely memories but also pain.
That I would hurt someone and disappoint her till this day.
At this place, never the same it will be.
At this place, they soon will tear down; cease to exist.

But at this place, though no longer soon be;
Will stay the same in heart and mind; like you be to me.
For I to you, believe you still say the same;
That you be a holder of past “begone” memories.

“Forget Me” by Esmond Ng 11/12/05 copyright ©
For Bubu,

“Forget Me” by Esmond Ng 11/12/05 copyright ©
===========================================
Forget you?
Why should I?
For to me you the most pleasant;
Of all my memories present.

Forget you?
And the reason being?
Not that hopes of rekindled feelings hold,
Just as a dear friend I hope still own.

They say:
“Friends are friends forever.”
Ain’t that the way supposed it be?
Then why I feel ostracized and such enmity?

I still do cry out Heavenly One,
Not for Love to come my way.
But for happiness your way,
And all that you wish for to stay.

I may have mistakes made,
Along this lonely path swayed.
But I am just man to err,
Not an excuse but forgiveness please I pray.

At the end of my days,
I still hope to have this memory engraved.
That maybe sweet thoughts of you,
Can keep my beliefs sane.

Oh no, I haven’t changed.
I still believe, I still do keep;
That someday true Love cometh,
This never smooth road runneth.

Then I ask once again.
“Forget me”, “Why?” I say.
For all this searching while for,
A perfect memory I’ve found that day.

“My Bubu Dream” by Esmond Ng 11/08/06 copyright ©
No inspiration to write for quite awhile until I had this dream last night. Hope you're doing great! ;)

“My Bubu Dream” by Esmond Ng 11/08/06 copyright ©
==============================================
Sugary most not definitely,
Taste if sweetened bifold still lacking.
Why Time still bitter bids me chimera,
When all in alpha was such heavenly.

What more a man can be?
When in dreams his stance airs not his belief.
In reverie when vagary permits,
He chooses silence yet to speak.

They say dreams best for utopian schemes,
Where you are master of all it.
Then why not did I stage a better hit,
Why chose I a tragic love misfit?

I comfort though in succor of relief,
That Thee I glimpsed in beaming bliss.
For this I may never awaken see,
If not my lucid Bubu dream.

2006-07-26T22:03:00.000+08:00

Welcoming myself ;')